I'm not ready to lose you..

Rest in peace, Uncle Felix..

This isn't really a "great" month for me. I don't even want to celebrate Christmas anymore. It's sad now and nothing ever good comes. I don't see the cheer in it and everyone just.. i don't even know how to explain it. fuck you.

Happy fucking-....

I won't say it and it's best if you don't say it either..

Really? I just had to make a fucking scenario about sonething in the future

Fucking. Stupid.

Stop it..

Get a hold of yourself, Pisces

Love and Marriage Explained beautifully

A student asked a teacher, “What is love?”  The teacher said, “In order to answer your question, go to a wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.  However, the rule is that you may only go through it once and are unable to turn back.”  The student went to a wheat field, through the first row, and saw a big wheat, but wondered if there would be a bigger one later waiting for him.  Eventually he walked through over half of the field and began to realize that none were as big as the previous one.  He knew he missed the biggest one, and, regretting his decision, went to the teacher empty-handed.  The teacher told him, “This is love.  You keep looking for a better option, but you eventually realize you’ve missed the person you should be with.”  The student then asked, “Well, what is marriage then?”  The teacher said, “In order to answer, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back.  However, the rule is that you may only go through it once and are unable to turn back.”  The student went to the cornfield, and based on his previous experience, was careful to not repeat his original mistake.  By the time he was at the middle of the field, he had an average corn that he was satisfied with, and went back to the teacher.  The teacher said, “This time you brought back corn.  However, you looked for one that was ‘good enough’, and you had faith that it was the best one.  This is marriage.”

Nevermore

Stop yelling at me. I know I'm not perfect, calm down. You have a baby inside of you. Take care of her and don't let yourself get too stressed out. John's not going to like if something is going to happen to her.. Knock on wood.

I really need to go and live out already. Damn man..

I don't have the motivation to do anything anymore. fuck.. I'm so pathetic. no wonder why...

Being a bum for now on. XD!

It's December again. Time flies..

The world doesn't revolve around you. People go do their own shit.
What was I thinking? lol.

You know it's back.. here we go again

You did what..

Nigga, don't you ever say that "she's the one" to me. Are you stupid? That's what they want you think. You practically went out with her for just 4 freaking months and now you're out there saying those three pathetic words.. right, right.. I don't have the right to come on and tell you otherwise. Fine, I'll respect you and hers relationship..

but really.. don't assume you two will end up together "forever". Don't fall for it because it's not worth it, also getting hurt and falling hard when you're way up there in the clouds. This is only the honeymoon stage. You two are just fucking around and being giddy.. You only love the things you all like and share.. It'll come out eventually.. You'll see the flaws and imperfections.

Take my words. I've been through it. This is only your 3rd time being in a relationship. Don't fall so easily, kid.. never believe her when she says I'll be with you. don't because when you believe it, you turn to a sad, fucking puppy that will follow her wherever she goes and guess what.. She'll play with you and as you grow old she'll begin to grow tired and buy a new puppy to play with. :D welcome to relationships..

Ew

I'm miserable at best

I don't remember much last night.. oh man, it feels like a hangover sequel but this time it's a bunch of Asians. haha.. I've never felt so free since last night. I really needed it, I deserved it..

OH shiet son, you're hella dumb.

pew pew.. tango down.

Word of advice..

No Paolo.. no.. stay where you are. Let it go. Let them go..

They say when you hear your heart beating through your ears it meant you're about to die or something.. some superstitious thing.

..you wouldn't dare cross that path again. You told me yourself..

Bakit?
matagal ko na kitang nakalimutan.
Grabe kong pag kukulang sayo oo. masakit yung mahalin isang tao tapos a-alis para lang sa iba.
oo, okay lang. sanay naman ako eh.
wala yun.

Tama na. tapos na tayo diba? bakit babalik ka?
sabi mo hindi na tayo, wag nakong umasa kasi wala na nga tayo.
Bakit nandito ka?

Bakit nag me message ka?
sabaihin mo nga sakin.. mahal mo pa ba ako?
...or maybe i'm just way over my head and assuming shit.

Please, don't make me angry. You don't want me when i'm angry..

Nothing

LOL. it's late. i can't sleep and the fucking script is on pandora. I decided to try and make a gay story out of it. Sorry for the grammar, the transitions, run-ons, context blah blah blah.. like i said, i'm not a writer. :l


I solemnly look around the place. The bed a mess and a few beer bottles scattered around I ruffled my hair and walked towards the bathroom door. I glanced myself on the mirror and leaned against the sink. The throbbing pain of a hang over came to and I groaned in pain...

-flashback-

"Hey, easy there buddy. You sure you're alright? You shouldn't drink anymore you're fucking drunk." Jake grabbed my shoulder reassuringly.

"Yeah man. Come on now." Rick held me up as I came tumbling down the steps

"Shut the fuck nnn...you don't understand." I pushed them away from me as I came to, holding onto the railings and fences that we passed by. They gave each other worried glances. I stumbled to the bridge as passerbys walk past me laughing. I shook my head. I stagged and leaned onto the rails and yelled: ----------!!!!!!

Jake and Rick ran up to me, stumbling too trying to pull me away from the rails.

I blacked out after that...

I stared again at the person in the mirror and sighed. "Fuck." I muttered. Walked out and lay in bed, grabbing the phone I dialed her number.

*beep*.........

I sighed and turned to a picture of us..

She said nothing..

Life

Still don't know what to do yet. Undecided.

How's being an elementary teacher sound? Teach 2nd grade or something. No way, I'm a male. likely, they'd look at me as a pedophile. :l though, i do want to teach kids and all..

A photographer? I get to travel around places, meet people, do special events.. That would be nice.

A chef? I'm not really haven't decided.. I love to cook and do baking.
I wouldn't mind coming home and cook. My wife would be all: "thank you." and i'll be all: girl, i just made you a sandwich. It's okay.

A counselor.. :/ lol. I'm not even good at talking to people when you just met them nor start a conversation. xD!

A man in a tie in a very successful company :3 lmao. that sounds nice..

Damn, i just wish there's a job where you can travel the world, meet new people and talk and take pictures while cooking and baking stuff around the world. Get paid to sleep and eat and do nothing. nothing hard.. just simple things. xD!

That's some job. :l sadly, it's not true nor there ever will be. It's LIFE

It's normal..

I wish there was some way where you can just see the future and look at what you've become and how are you doing then you'd be settled and worry free. You won't have to dread things.. but sadly, your future is based on your choices and how you deal of today. It really sucks.. I just want to get this over with.

There's nothing we can do. Nothing. It goes on. All of this.. This is life.

bang.

Day 3 being homebound. :l

eh..

i don't know now. I thought I had it all figured out. What ia going on. Why do you do this to me world..
------------------------------

Just let it go, kid. Just let it go

..

I don't fucking understand this shit. Don't let me fucking go through this shit all over again. I'm so fucking tired of this. I'm serious, I don't know why this happens to me. I shake my head for it because it bothers me alot. I'm so tired. Very very tired. It makes me fucking want to grab a gun and shoot myself.

Oh man. Pathetic. Stupid Stupid.

No. please don't say that. That's fucking bad. You shouldn't. You won't. Too fast. Too quick..

"Oh sometimes love's intoxicating
Oh you're coming down your hands are shaking
When you realise there's no one waiting"

LOL. fuck you Richard

....

I should stop thinking.. xD!

Today is...

THAT day. xD!

Why? xD!

Head: Stop hoping for something that isn't going to happen.

Heart: No, stay a little bit longer.. Don't worry.

Relationships: ... fuck this shit bro, you don't need me. You're tired of this.

Head: You're only making shit worse.

Heart: It will make you become a better person.

Me: just enough already..

Oh no, it's okay...

I'm pretty used to people leaving. I'm okay that you promised to stay. (:
You didn't do anything wrong. I understand.
I'm really used to people leaving. Go on ahead, and have fun.

Fuck this. xD!

How can you just wake up one morning to find your feelings changed.

simple.. I got tired. :l

What the f-

500 days: Park Convo

Tom walks over and sits down on a bench. He stares off, lost in thought. And then, from out of nowhere, there's her voice.

Summer: Hey.

Summer sits like an apparition on a neighboring bench. She may have just sat down, she may have been there for hours. Tom isn't sure if she's real. He doesn't quite know what to do.


Summer: Where you coming from?

Tom: What? Oh. Nowhere. How long have you been sitting there?

Summer: Awhile.

Tom finds it hard to look at her.


Summer: I come here a lot. I always loved this place, ever since you brought me here.

The mention of their past makes the atmosphere frosty.


Tom: So... I should probably say congratulations.

Summer: Probably. But only if you mean it.


Tom: I don't know if I do honestly.

Summer: I understand.


Tom: Yeah well...anyway...I hope you're happy.

Summer: You really do?

Tom: God no.

They both laugh a little. The tension begins to dissipate.


Summer: How are you, Tom?

Tom: I'm good. Ish.

Summer: That's good.

Tom: Yeah I quit the office.

Summer: Really? That's great! What are you doing now?

Tom: Mostly...sleeping. Breaking things.


Awkward silence...


Tom: So who's the guy?

Summer: Who, my guy?

Tom: Yeah... Wait. Don't tell me. I don't want to know.

Summer: Tom...

Tom: No really, I don't.

Summer: Ok.

More awkward silence. And THEN:



Tom: It's amazing to me. You're married.

Summer: I know.

Tom: You're not only someone's girlfriend, your someone's wife!

Summer: Pretty crazy, huh?

Tom: (SIGHS) I'll never understand that.

Summer: Tom --

Tom: What's different now? How could things change so quickly?

Summer: I don't know. It just happened.

Tom: What happened?! That's what I don't get.

Summer: I... Tom...

Tom: What, tell me...

Summer: I woke up one day and I knew.

Tom says nothing.

Summer: I knew I could promise him I'd feel the same way every morning. In a way that I... I never could with you.

And there's not much else to say after that. Tom gets up to leave.


Tom: You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believe in is complete bullshit.

Summer: What is?

Tom: Destiny, soulmates, true love. All that stuff. It's nothing more than silly childhood fairy tale nonsense, isn't it? God!

Summer: Tom, don't go.

Tom: I should have listened to you, Summer. You were right all along.


Summer takes a beat to let this hang there.


Summer: I was right?


And then, out of nowhere, she begins to hysterically laugh.


Tom: What? This is funny?


Tries to stop but it only makes it worse. Now's she's completely cracking up.


Tom: What are you laughing at?


And she can't stop. She's totally lost control.


Tom: (trying himself not to LAUGH) You're a crazy person!

Summer: Tom! You're the crazy person!

Tom: What are you talking about?!

Summer: One day I'm reading a book at the corner deli and this guy sits down and starts asking about it. Now he's my husband!

Tom: This is funny to you?

Summer: What would have happened if I went to the movies instead? If I went somewhere else for lunch? If I showed up to eat ten minutes later? Tom, it was meant to be, just like you said. And as it was happening, I knew it. I could feel it, sure as the sun. And I kept thinking to myself "Holy shit. Tom was right." You were right about all of it. It just wasn't me you were right about.



Tom is speechless. Summer takes his hand. He notice her wedding ring. He holds it for a few seconds more. And then, the hands separate.


Summer: Anyway, I should probably be getting back. It was good to see you. I'm glad you're well.



Summer gets up and starts walking away from him. After a second:


Tom: Summer!

She stops and turns back. He takes in her face, most likely for the last time ever.


Tom: I really do hope you're happy.

Summer: I know. See you later.


And she walks away. Leaving Tom alone in the park, getting smaller and farther away every second


I just wish there was an alternative ending.. Where it starts at the expectations vs reality but instead of reality, expectations wins and it'll go from there. Some scenes will be deleted and be added with sweet, sappy shit. Then everyone will be in tears and say, "it's so typical." XD! but no.. this is the real deal. this IS a real relationshit. Not what you hope is what you get. it's terrible. :l horrible to be exact.

What to say..

Thinking in the middle of the night. XD!

I wish I had the guts to really open up and say some things and actually say it with meaning rather than just words and broken promises.i mean.. Imagine if people were like that.. imagine if people were too open and say thw things others would want to hear! :)

But that would be too foolish. People tend to say things and mean the other, or say something yet do another. xD! I mean.. I would love to have the courage to juat really say how I feel and not be looked down like some sad little puppy. I came strong because I said what I wanted and I guess it feels good..

It's just that.. We, as human beings, tend to hide our feelings really well and use quotes, song lyrics or in any case blogs to express how we feel. Though, it is legit.. We're only seeing the tip of the iceberg. There's more to it than that, you know?

...well, i just.. it's a thought. xD!

Moments

I fell in love with the kind of guy my parents warned me against. He didn’t come from a good family and he spent every minute of the day working for every penny he could get, he used to apologise that he couldn’t buy me diamonds or pretty things or a big house to call our own, but it was only when i met him i realised the best things in life really are free. i realised relationships aren’t about the gifts your given, it’s the moments on the country drives when you tell yourself if they ignore your directions once more you will beat them to death with the A-Z, it’s when in furniture shops and they spend hours measuring bookcases when all you want to do is look at sofas, it’s when they forget to record your TV programmes but suggest now you can watch the match together, its being questioned about all your past relationships and threatening to go back to them, it’s not making the reservations at the restaurant so you end up with fish and chips instead. But it’s when they admit your directions were the right ones, when they let you ramble on about cushions and fabrics and designs without complaining, when they spend the match doing funny commentaries and explaining the rules every time you ask without getting frustrated, its arguing about exes but being glad they’re your exes and he’s your future, it’s eating the fish and chips while you tell each other about your childhood and fears and ambitions and thoughts, it’s also when they know exactly how you like your cups of tea, and when they understand when to hold you during the sad parts of your favourite films. And it’s that moment when you have a stupid argument about putting the red socks in the washing machine with the white shirts and you threaten to leave, but then you look round at this little nest and world you’ve created together and you see the bookcase where his Stephen King’s are nestled in-between your Bronte’s, and the DVDs stacked along the wall with your DVDs hidden in his cases that would take days to sort out, it’s the two Xbox controllers plugged in from when you last teamed up to take on his friends, it’s the sofa where you each have your ‘side’ his with the TV remote and yours with the cushions, it’s seeing the photo album which has pictures of both your pasts and presents – where your childhoods are next to each other protected by a plastic sheet, it’s his clothing lying about that you’ve slowly adopted as your own, it’s realising that not just your belongings but your worlds have become connected, you’re so much a part of each other that you could leave because it’s be leaving part of your heart behind too. So you shut the door and walk back towards him, and he says he’ll put the kettle on and makes 2 cups of tea, one weak with 2 sugars and one strong with none – exactly as you’ve always been.

So you could have all the diamonds in the world but without the laughter and the moments of madness and the knowledge that they love you it’s not worth a penny. You’re a beautiful beautiful person and you deserve to feel loved.

How do you call that love?

You've been together for 8 years. 8 fucking years and happily married for 5 years. A marriage is just another way of saying 'going steady' in my opinion with alot of restrictions and a big whole responsiblity!

Don't just quit right away because things aren't going as you all hoped and planned, that's the thing when you're against life. Life has it's ways of throwing obstacles and you learn from those. I know we're part of the obstacle but I promise you once we get ourselves settled, will move out on our own and leave you two together to be happy..

I can't stress this enough to how pathetic he looks right now. Moping in his room and questioning his existance. He's not this type of guy. I've always looked at him as a strong, hardworking man. Not a weakling... He needs you, alot. You've been there when no one was around and you've been there every step of the way and now.. now you're giving up? Why?

I want to ask you WHY?


I know I shouldn't put the blame on you because relationships takes two people. He has his flaw, too. Okay? I mean he can be over-protective at times, he can be stern and hard headed, and he feels like he's choking you with his questions, constantly asking where are you or who are you with.. And you don't like that. You want to go and have fun..

I just don't want you guys to give up on each other because really, you two will pull through. I mean 13 years of being together? That's amazing and really, giving up now? It's so weird to just throw everything away. I hope you'll just realize that this is wrong and you should fight for this. Fight for it together.. He doesn't want to lose you. He doesn't.

Missing you. (:

Hey you, I've missed you. :3 I haven't been talking to you because well.. I've been busy with things.
I hope you can forgive me, Blogspot.

I'm going through some things with family problems, and I don't like it. Did you know I skipped school on the first day to hang out with a friend for his birthday? How pathetic. I'm some shit.

I do miss you. I hope you don't crash because I need to vent. alot.. (:
you take care, blogspot.

How hard

How hard can it be?
Everyday I wake up through the same shit with a different day. I'm giving up.
Tired of lies, tired of the yells, Plastic smiles and shit. I take things for granted. Okay. Great. Smack that on my face why don't you..

Let's all be selfish, mom.

I'm not perfect. but hey.. if it makes you feel better.. i'm pushing away.

18 years ain't bad. :) pretty good. no regrets. just some time..

how to escape.. we'll see. XD!

I give up.

I though I was stronger than this. I'm actually pathetic and weak. :( thisbis troublesome. :(

I don't know it happened today. I thought I was done with this..
I left my medicine at home and had a mini headache. I felt another attack and I could've died the doctors said.
I should keep my medicine close to me now. :/

Who can I really trust when I'm ready to open up?

Fuck.

I don't understand how you could change from being this sweet person and then the next you message me saying I don't trust you.

I have no idea why you'd say that. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry i'm not fucking perfect bro. I wish I can take it all back, you know? I'm just talking and goofing off with this person and you take it too seriously.. and you ignore me and I try to apologize.

Perfect. XD! Oh.. opening up to you was the best but.. I guess we don't always get what we want. sucks. fuck this.. why do i even try, you know?

I'm such a oathetic guy. lmo.

Narnia

This is a.. surprise. xD!
but really, i'm happy for her. him. them. :D

Take you for granted

I know we’re a million miles apart and living in different hours in a day but I hope you know i’m going to be the one to stay. I feel for you, and I know this is right because you talk me through it all through the night. We talk about life, love and the future but we haven’t even met which I find crazy, but lets make a bet. You & I will end up together if its now or if it’s later. Just promise me, we will meet. And when that day comes we need to not take it for granted.

Here’s my promise to you: I promise not to take you for granted.

"Because love needs not to choose. It always knows where to go"

What's New. :)

I'm glad that I passed the State Test, and I'll be able to move on to the next level, and I won't take it on my senior year! Although.. I have been away from school for so long, I'll have to catch up and earn a lot of credits to actually graduate. :)

1. Summer School
-2 sessions. So I won't be able to have a fun summer. but school comes first, right? :)

2. Hospital
I have to go there time to time. Just to make sure. Nothing happens again.

It isn't much but that's just some things I need to work on the most. :) I can do this.. I think. xD! Hope things will work out. :)

If I die today or just any day..

I've lived a good life, hella of a life. :)

I'm not afraid anymore. xD!

Dear..

To the one that holds her heart,

This is going to sound so very cliche, but if you break her heart, I will run you over with my car. Now I’m pretty sure you have no idea who I am, but trust me I know all about you. You see, I have many friends, in many places. And I just wanted to make sure that the one who is dating the girl that I love with all my heart is in good hands. Since you have not received any threats yet, I guess you’re an alright guy.

But here’s a couple tips for you, always text her back, she gets really frustrated if you don’t. Don’t ever hang up on her without saying good-bye first, I’ve done that countless times and she gets really pissed off. She has certain days where she has to watch her shows like Pretty Little Liars and One Tree hill, make sure you don’t plan anything on those days. Surprise her, she likes them. She’s only ticklish in some spots and sometime she isn’t ticklish at all. She’s a fighter haha. And if she’s quoting Taylor Swift, either you’re in really big trouble or you’re making her happy.

And when you hug her, remember that you are hugging the most beautiful girl in the world and that you should always hug her back tighter. If she argues with her, argue back. But give in to her sometimes cause she can be a real bitch when she wants to be. Don’t hurt her, that will be the worst thing that you will ever do.

You have no idea how lucky you are to call her yours. So cherish it. You have the honor of holding her hand. You have the privilege to kiss her when you want. You have the ability to make her happy. She isn’t just another girl, she’s that girl that can make you the happiest person ever if you give her the chance. She’s worth everything. Everything. Take care of her.

Sincerely,

The one who lost her

-Lelove

http://www.leloveimage.blogspot.com.

Hey you.. :)

just a little bit more and you all will be happy. :)

a little longer. :)

bang.

Isn't it funny..?

Isn't it funny.. that I tell people the great opportunities in life. Telling them that it's okay to do this and that, and make them see the good side of the downside.

I give out advices that are so cool and true, yet...why can't I apply that shit to me? :)
It's because I learn from experience. duh. I just answered my shit. :D

You're an amazing fool. :) so amazing you don't give a fuck.

Oh god... This feeling needs to stop. curling up like a ball and puking my insides out is amazing and all, but can you be more gentle? lmao. XD!

In the end. It's just that. nothing else, nothing more.

Summer's up. What has she in store for me. I hope she stays for good, I'm tired of waking up only to find her gone the next. I then have to be a total asshole and sleep with her best friend, Autumn. it's hilarious.

...way to be..

March

You.

Ha.

I'll just laugh it off..

...

way to go..
maybe I'm next..


trust me.. i'm okay

Hey there :)

Hey you.. look, maybe you're right. hell, you were always right. I know I've been down for far too long yet I know it's foolish of me to even be down like this. There's something in me that wants to prove everyone wrong; the stubbornness and selfish part of me. I knew what I was going in for and I know everyone hates that a part of me.. even you.

The fact that we broke up was because of us. not you, not me.. us.. We were so caught up with everything. our promises. Our beliefs and actions. Everyday was always something that we looked forward to. we were so happy that we didn't care. okay, maybe we did. haha..

I will be honest. I hate you. I told you that I'll never leave you, yet.. you did. hard, eh? I kept my word and I trusted you. I gave my all, yet I ended up losing you and making me feel more angry towards every thing. I was shit. I was restless... for months.. I endured the whole thing.. 2 months after I received a message from you saying you were happy with someone. I cracked. was it that easy? good for you...

I pushed everyone away... Our friends. people. You. I took my chances and made slow steps to recovery. I sat alone thinking, I drank and started smoking again. I got into a fight with a big guy who's more swoll and tougher than I... something.. Just to keep myself occupied..

you deleted me off Facebook. I didn't mind. you were happy.. Thats what counts.. you inactivated me off your life. I did you in mine. Your name was taboo. talk about over the limit, huh?

A conversation about chance:

P: me? there's a chance that it might be me. there's a chance not.

M: i know. theres a chance youll get sick of waiting. theres also a chance you wont.

P: there's a chance i'll stay and love you like i am now. so many possibilities...different outcomes of the future..but i want this and i will wait for you..

M: you dont know for sure. i dont know for sure. you can say that now, but we cant help if we change or not, right? weve promised eachother many things that we cant guarantee well follow through. they could be potential unintentional lies. but we dont know yet.

P: thank you. i really need that. (: you have no idea how much i wanted to talk this with you...and you're right....and besides our problem is that we're far apart. there's no physical contact between us. yes, i'm being faithful. i'm being careful. i try so hard to keep my promises for you. because I truly love you....and..we hae priorities that we must do. school, work...i mean..you know..darren, darren was sort of like..there..and..it made things complicated for us, who knows what will happen next. high school is so big and the guys and girls..junior year..man..what are my possibilities..we won't see each other..as much..and you'll grow tired, and you know..it'll hurt..but i want to know that atleast..you're happy

M: you dont know if ill grow tired or not. for all we know, it could be the other way around. for all we know, wed both get tired and just call it quits. for all we know..we can make it. you cant predict the future. i cant either. feelings change. they can either grow stronger or weaker. we cant predict whether well move forwards or backwards, so lets not talk like we can and think of everything here.

P: ...i just really want you to be happy...

M: do you really? do you really want me to be happy with or without you? if i can find someone better, would you really want me to leave you brokenhearted and in the dust? or even if i found someone better, would you want me to keep my eyes on you and grow old with you? be honest with yourself. ima be honest i dont want you to be happy without me.

P: why not? i mean...after all, who wouldn't be...sure, i'll learn to accept the fact that one day, a guy's just going to be with you and he'll be so much unique and happy that you'll just..comepletely be happy with him, and it'll hurt..it will, but i'm going to accept this because who in the world would not want happiness for someone, right? sure...what if..we could still be best of friends, right?

M: and if its the other way around ima be a bitch and ill be selfish and try to still get you again. thats my problem. if it went the other way around, id have troubles letting go. but if it went this way, youd completely let it go. either way it still hurts, does it not?

P: we just wouldn't know. because what if..i let you go because the guy made you so happy that i couldn't make you as much happy as he can. so i gave up, but i still have feelings for you...i'll drink, i'll smoke..just to ease it away...but if it was the other way around...you'd chase me, i'd still be alone. trying to make others happy for their sake; ignoring mine...i'd be happy to know you're happy..

Things happened. Change. Events. Series of events. People come and go.. A dear friend's passing. A secret wedding. News of financial crises. Drugs. Sex. Another lover?

A part of me doesn't want to go, yet another part of me wants to say, "Wake up and stop it." Some friends say it was for the better, others say stay for a bit and see what'll happen. I stayed quiet.

Have you ever heard that saying, "if you love someone, let them go"? Really.. Shouldn't you pull them back in. I know your term for love has changed in a way shape or form. Mine has too. Try watching Scott Pilgrim without laughing... LOL..

He was right. You were my Summer. I was your Tom. Is this really the end of us, or will there be something in it for us again? Our move. Do you think so? I want to stay in between..

I'm so sorry. Please, take my apology.. you didn't deserve it. You never did. being honest, I hurt you more than you hurt me. I push you away when you try and open up and I'll tell you i'm okay when i'm not. I get angry when you tell me you're okay when you're not. I was very secretive about everything. Nothing did change. Well, your feelings did. That made it stressful for you.

You left. You made it to the other side without any sort of reconsideration.

I don't want to lose you. I don't want to forget you.. I don't want you out of my life because you're important to me. I'm very sorry and I hope you do forgive me. let me just take this slow pace.. long and hard.. I'm not ready to see the brighter side of things because I know in the end, what if the things I'll say wouldn't be there to begin with?

But you as my best friend. It's better than being nothing at all.. You are and always will be my best friend. You know me more than anyone else. I'm like an open book to you...

I'm so sorry.. for everything that I've done. I really am, M.

Things..

Move things at your own pace..

take a short walk around your block. smoke? (if you prefer it..) take your mind off of things.

You really can't back out anymore. enough dilly dally.. fuck.

Things change. Gotta give credit to you.. you'll be okay. Yeah.. that's what I'll say. Sooo.. what now?

I don't really use you anymore.. take it off? why not. it's been fun. keep a fake smile. die a little.

-PJCD.

Beyond my own..

There are things in life when it agrees with and accepts you, more ever, there are things in life that tends to keep you from opening up and accepting the real value of living.

"Sure, we're all based by chance.." Chance. Or is it Fate..? I don't know. There's so many ideas, theories and thoughts that each individual creates within their mind. Some are theories that need to be express and show to others. What's there to be afraid of? We're just like everyone else. 6 billion in all. The amazing fact about the human race..

Conception of the Afflicted-
What's there to be so torn up about. It's never the same; things come and go. People will come and go, but..but.. they will leave some views and teachings along. Keep it.

What's there to say.. It's never been too late to keep something special in your heart, right?

don't worry.. everything will be okay...

Happy new year..

this is beyond my own.. XD!